Thursday, April 22, 2010

The Naked Truth

By Rick Manning



Al Gore may have another cause to champion.



In the wake of some whacky climate "scientists" declaring that the "thawing" Icelandic ice cap could cause future serious volcanic eruptions due to the reduction of glacial mass that is keeping the earth's magma suppressed, the Daily Mail in the UK came up with an even crazier explanation of the seeming spate of earthquakes around the globe.



Scantily clad women. That's right. Bikinis make the earth move. I'm not talking Carole King lyrics here, but actual, real live shorts and halter tops.



Well known Iranian earthquake predictor, President and resident mad man Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has predicted that a quake is certain to hit the capital of Tehran, urging residents to relocate. Mahmoud may have misread the geological tea leaves when it comes to predicting what is likely to make the ground move in Tehran, but that is another topic.



Taking up President Madman's quake warning, Islamic cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi (HKS for short) proclaimed in a prayer sermon that, "Many women do not dress modestly…lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which leads to earthquakes."



Now, that explains the constant threat of earthquakes in California, but somehow I would guess that they were pretty bundled up during the Anchorage, Alaska quake on March 27, 1964.



It is suspected that Mahmoud and HKS have been taking lessons on the earth's geological foundations from noted intellectual Congressman Hank Johnson. Johnson, you will remember, last month worried that Guam might capsize in Congressional questioning of the Admiral in charge of the entire Pacific Fleet.



That brings us back to Iceland - an island, using Johnson's unique island flotation theory, even more in danger of suffering Guam's feared fate with Mt. Lotsarandomletters billowing tons of ash into the air. Clearly, as all that lava and ash flows upward, the bottom of the island gets lighter, exponentially increasing the chances of it tipping over.



All of which goes to show you that whether you are in Europe, Tehran, Washington, DC or even Tennessee, if you just turn in enough box tops, you too can get a hockey stick shaped diploma certifying your expertise on the weather and other natural phenomena. And it comes with a handy decoder ring too.



Rick Manning is the Director of Communications for Americans for Limited Government and the former Public Affairs Chief of Staff for the U.S. Department of Labor.

1 comment:

Benito said...

THIS MOMENTOUS DAY!

Not one day in anyone’s life is an uneventful day, no day without profound meaning, no matter how dull and boring it might seem, no matter whether you are a seamstress or a queen, a shoeshine boy or a movie star, a renowned philosopher or a Down’s syndrome child.

Because in every day of your life, there are opportunities to perform little kindnesses for others, both by conscious acts of will and unconscious example.

Each smallest act of kindness – even just words of hope when they are needed, the remembrance of a birthday, a compliment that engenders a smile – reverberates across great distances and spans of time, affecting lives unknown to the one whose generous spirit was the source of this good echo, because kindness is passed on and grows each time it’s passed, until a simple courtesy becomes an act of selfless courage years later and far away.

Likewise, each small meanness, each thoughtless expression of hatred, each envious and bitter act, regardless of how petty, can inspire others, and is therefore the seed that ultimately produces evil fruit, poisoning people whom you have never met and never will.

All human lives are so profoundly and intricately entwined – those dead, those living, those generations yet to come – that the fate of all is the fate of each, and the hope of humanity rests in every heart and in every pair of hands.

Therefore, after every failure, we are obliged to strive again for success, and when faced with the end of one thing, we must build something new and better in the ashes, just as from pain and grief, we must weave hope, for each of us is a thread critical to the strength – the very survival – of the human tapestry.

Every hour in every life contains such often-unrecognized potential to affect the world that the great days for which we, in our dissatisfaction, so often yearn are already with us; all great days and thrilling possibilities are combined always in THIS MOMENTOUS DAY! – Rev. H.R. White

Excerpt from Dean Koontz’s book, “From the Corner of His Eye”.

It embodies the idea of how the smallest of acts can have such a profound effect on each of our lives.