Marriage Was Not Designed To Make You Happy

I posted the following as my status on Facebook yesterday:

Marriage was not designed to make you happy, satisfied, or whole. If you go into it for any of the aforementioned reasons, you’re in for a rude awakening.

Some of my friends asked me to expound, so I guess I’ll take a stab at it here.
First let me preface this post by saying that I in no way claim to be an expert on marriage. My husband and I have been married a little under four years and we’re still learning a lot of things about being married. If you want expert advice, talk to someone who’s been at this for decades (and let me listen in). I can only share what I’ve learned so far. Further, I assure you that, despite the tone of this post, I really love being married. However, I don’t want people to be delusional about what marriage is or is not. So let me share with you what marriage cannot do.

Marriage cannot make you happy.
I think it’s safe to say that many people who want to be married think that marriage will make them happy, but I maintain that’s just not true. We’ve all grown up with the fairy tales where the princess finds a prince, gets married, and lives “happily ever after.” Simply put, nothing can “make” you happy. Absolutely nothing. Happiness is a personal choice and is not contingent upon one’s circumstances. There are plenty of happy poor folks and miserable millionaires. If you aren’t happy before marriage, chances are you won’t be happy in it. And unfortunately, a lot of people get dejected when they enter a marriage and realize they’re not as happy as they thought they’d be. Learn to be happy independent of outside influences.

Marriage does not equal satisfaction.
Let me be clear: you will not be completely satisfied in your marriage 100% of the time. You’re talking about two people who were raised by different mothers, were taught different standards, and somehow decided it would be a good idea to join together and become a unit. But because they are still two very distinct people, clashes naturally arise when expectations don’t align with reality. He has different ideas about cleaning than you do. She has different ideas about money than you do. You both thought sex would be more plentiful than it currently is. Somebody is going to be disappointed occasionally.

There is not a single person on earth who can completely live up to your expectations because all of us fall short. Whomever you marry will likely disappoint you, and I’m sure you won’t do much better. And don’t think you can change the things you don’t like about him or her. That’s a dead-end road, and even if you did “fix” those things, chances are you’d only find more things later that need to be “fixed.” Go into a marriage expecting the other person to fall short (within reason) and decide preemptively to extend some grace when they do.

Marriage cannot make you whole.
Everyone wants to feel complete, whether it’s in their careers or their personal lives. They somehow don’t feel like they can sit back, relax, and enjoy life until they have something they’ve always wanted. Sadly, plenty of people put their happiness on hold for some hypothetical day in the future when they have everything they want, including a marriage and family. If partial contentment is your status quo and the way you live your life, I can guarantee you that once you do obtain the things you think you want, you’ll find a reason not to be happy with them. Something will always be out of place.

Oh and another thing… do NOT go into a marriage expecting your spouse to make you better, fix your hurts from your past, or give you everything you ever thought you’d need. Only God can do that. Please, if you have personal issues that you’re aware of, work on them before you get married or you will sabotage yourself. Your spouse is not your therapist or your fairy godparent.

So, why get married in the first place?
Well, only you can answer that. But I can tell you one indispensible prerequisite for a successful marriage: be prepared to work. Marriage is beautiful, blessed, and sacred, but it’s not for punks. They say it takes work, but I say it more than requires work — it is work personified. It is a full-time job requiring a lot of spiritual, mental, and emotional strength. When you hear the words “for better or for worse,” imagine what the “worse” could possibly look like and honestly ask yourself if you have the wherewithal to thrive in those situations. If you don’t have it, that’s fine. There are far worse fates in life than to live it as a single person. But if you feel you have the fortitude to fully submit to another person until one of you leaves this earth, by all means go for it.

There is honestly no nobler thing than to dedicate your life to someone other than yourself, which is essentially what marriage is. You have to have the heart of a servant to do this thing correctly. Can you still fix him a plate even after he’s thoroughly pissed you off? Would you still put gas in her car for work tomorrow even after she’s stepped all over your ego? After days of fighting and arguing, can you still muster the humility to pray for one another? These are the types of things successfully married people do. In this job, you don’t clock out just because you’re not “feeling it.” That’s a hard thing for people to understand in a culture of selfishness, but it is what it is. Strong marriages are comprised of strong people, so you must ask yourself before you get to the altar, “Am I strong enough?”

Denise is a wife, mother, professional web designer, and minister-in-training living in the D.C. area. Check out her blog, How Mama Got Her Swag Back. 

By

EPayne

 

Prison is the New Slave Labor...Just for Us!

Post Obama, it has been interesting to watch so many of us acting like "liberty, justice and equality" just got served, put our blinders back on, continue to accept hegemony,all while considering ourselves some how lucky to be in the land of the "free".

Well wake up!  Ain't ish changed only the masters style of trickery. Just look at the prison system, which with privatization, has become big business for cheap labor plucked straight out of hoods. We got brothas in the pen making everything from your latest style of fashion to airline reservations for 20 cents an hour.

"What has happened over the last 10 years? Why are there so many prisoners?

The private contracting of prisoners for work fosters incentives to lock people up. Prisons depend on this income. Corporate stockholders who make money off prisoners' work lobby for longer sentences, in order to expand their workforce. The system feeds itself," says a study by the Progressive Labor Party, which accuses the prison industry of being "an imitation of Nazi Germany with respect to forced slave labor and concentration camps."

So the next time you marvel at your American made t-shirt, think of racial profilling, the intentional flooding of our hoods with guns and drugs, and all the laws that support locking us up and the nation that continues to thrive on our backs.

Date Submitted: 6/3/2009 1:37 AM

PostedBy: HelluvaDime

Critics Say Education System For Black Children Is “School To Prison Pipeline”

 Written by Casey Gane-McCalla

A new study details how African American boys are suspended at double and triple the rates of their white male peers. English language learners who, for years, remain in separate classes, are falling behind their peers and scoring poorly on standardized tests. Disabled students and those with illnesses are also discriminated against because of their impairments.

The Department of Education’s Office of Civil Rights received nearly 7,000 complaints this fiscal year, an 11 percent increase and the largest jump in at least 10 years, according to data provided by the department. The increase comes as the office proceeds with 54 compliance reviews in districts and institutions of higher education nationwide, including cases involving disparate discipline rates and treatment of students with disabilities.

Information on the reports was provided to The Associated Press under a Freedom of Information Act request. They highlight issues that, in some cases, have long been documented, like the disparate discipline rate between black and white male students, and in other cases are reflective of the new challenges facing schools, such as changing demographics and rising numbers of students with diabetes and food allergies, now considered disabilities.

At the Christina School District in Delaware, 71 percent of black male students were suspended in a recent school year, compared to 22 percent of their white male counterparts, Ali said.

The district has repeatedly been under the national spotlight for its strict enforcement of a zero tolerance policy, going so far as to expel a third-grader whose grandmother sent her to school with a birthday cake and a knife to cut it. Zero tolerance policies, which enact harsh punishments on everything from swearing to weapons or drug possession, have been widely instituted.

Critics say they are ineffective and a one-size fits all solution, and are partly to blame for the growing disparity between white and black discipline rates and a school-to-prison pipeline for those punished.

10 Mistakes White Woman Make Dating Black Men

I normally don’t pay much attention to lists, but I decided that this one was worth while creating.? So after a round table discussion and much thought, I came up with my list of mistakes that I’ve noticed white women make when dating black men.?


10.? Being too demanding.? I’ve noticed that white women will be demanding and that doesn’t go over well with a black man.? Resentment can be created quickly with this approach.

9.? Not acknowledging culture differences.? Yes, there are differences in our culture.? It starts with everything from social themes, family background, diets, and even style of dress.

8.? Public Confrontations.? Black men hate being confronted by their mate in public.? If there’s a disagreement, we would rather have you talk about this in private.? Public embarrassment is never a good option.

7.? Being to accessible.? There are too many times when white women are available for him when ever he calls, because that is the only time he has available.? Black men can and/or will abuse that option more than others.

6.? Give too much financially.? This one is a popular but not forgotten.??Often, white women?think they have to get his attention by buying him gifts, taking him on vacations, and even cloths.? This is a major mistake in my opinion.

?5.? Try to be a player.? I’ve watched white women try to date several black men at the same time.? They don’t think any of them will find out.? The truth is, we all don’t know each other, but we do share our dating notes.? The interracial dating scene is a small world.?

4.?? Attempting to be hip.? Just because you’re dating interracial, doesn’t mean you have to talk different, act different, and dress different.? He was attracted to you for who you are, and not what you could be.
3.? The Myth isn’t true.? Yes, I called it ‘the myth’.? Not all black men are well endowed sexually.?

Physically, we are proportionate just like everyone else.? I don’t think I need to explain more on this one.?
2.? Not being assertive.? Black men are confident.? We are attracted to women with direction, confidence and energetic.? This has been referred to as a ‘Go Getta’.

?1.? The ‘N’ word.? Richard Pryor made jokes about it, but it’s true.? Just because you’re in a interracial relationship, doesn’t give you the ability to use the ‘N’ word.? Some black men are thug types and use this vocabulary regularly.? There are also ?educated, business minded?black men that don’t use it at all.? There’s never a? reason why a white woman can use this word.

Post your comments, I’d like to hear your thoughts.

by Eathan

BLACK WOMEN DATING WHITE MEN? FAT CHANCE!

Deluded Black Women Think A White Hero Will Save Them!

It’s all over the place wherever you look – interracial marriage this, interracial dating that – dating websites springing up galore. For the last 3 decades it has been predominantly Black men who have dated out of the race (usually dating White women) but now Black women are saying ”Why not us too?”, to which I say: “Fat Chance”

And “fat” is a very accurate word to use, seeing as it correctly describes a significant proportion of the Black female population in the UK, USA and many other western countries. The White man will not be hurrying by anytime soon to pick up what the Black man didn’t want. No man wants another race’s leftovers. It all boils down to what I said in my previous article (for which I got so much abuse – but I will not be silenced!) entitled “Forget It Black Women You’ll Never Get Married.” CLICK HERE FOR LINK.

My advice to Black women is this: if you can find a White man dumb enough, er, willing to pair up with you then go for it – but remember: for a White man to cross over and date a Black woman she must really have A WHOLE LOT GOING ON FOR HER in terms of beauty, career and achievements a la Halle Berry, Iman etc. So don’t be expecting a White man to be showing any interest in you if you are a ghetto-dwelling, Monique-sized, single mother of 3 answering to the name of Shaniqua Jackson.

Understand this Black women – in order to get an average-looking, average-achieving White guy, YOU HAVE TO LOOK AND BE EXCEPTIONAL – A HIGH ACHIEVER! And that’s just to get an average White guy! If you are large, overweight, unattractive and carrying a brood (kids), the only kind of White man you will attract is:
a) The junkie-type that thinks you can surely get him a good supply because you’re Black.
Or
b) The kind of White guy with so many issues that no one in the White community wants him. Either he is pig ugly with very bad teeth or mentally unbalanced – and the men in white coats could appear at anytime to return him to the institution from which he escaped.

I hate to break it to you so harshly, Sistas, but the truth is:

The very things about you that keep Black men away will more than likely also repel White men, Asian men, Chinese men and Martian men.

If it makes you feel happy to believe that dating out of the race is the answer – then go for it, but only a few of you will succeed because most of you are “not up to requirements.”
You know what I mean, we’ve talked about this before – obesity, horrible hair-weaves, loud mouth and bad attitude, less than dainty features (not your fault but still a fact) etc.

So Black Ladies, why don’t you grab the bull by the horns – instead of looking for a hero/saviour outside the race, why don’t you deal, once and for all, with the real problem here: You!

Once you have sorted you out, men from far and wide will be coming for your hand – so much so that Black men might even start to feel threatened by all these White and non Black men that are stealing their Black women.

But right now, Black men don’t feel threatened at all – not in the slightest.

Astute Male Observer
(Helping Black Women Improve Themselves)

Strategic Dialogue And Two-Way Relation Can Be Affected, US

Strategic Dialogue And Two-Way Relation Can Be Affected, US: The US says that due to Raymond David case, the strategic dialogue and two-way relation can be affected.

During a briefing in Washington, US State Department spokesman Mark Toner said that we are working to resolve this issue of Raymond Davis’s diplomatic immunity with Pakistan.

Raymond is being provided with full cooperation of US Consulate. Toner also said that Senator John Kerry did not go to Pakistan for release of Raymond, rather just wanted to analyse Pakistan’s stance upon this issue.
American Raymond Davis has been held in Pakistan for the past three weeks after shooting two Pakistani men dead in what he says was self-defence. Pakistan has rejected US claims that Davis has diplomatic immunity, and a court hearing has now delayed any decision until the middle of next month.

Answering a question, US State Department spokesman Mark Toner said that Raymond Davis has been kept in Pakistan without the consent of US.

Nissan ESFLOW (video)

Nissan is utterly geared up to unveil the novel concept of Nissan ESFLOW at the 2011 Geneva Motor Show. While it is eco-friendly, the vehicle’s manifestation is stunning and does not relinquish performance. It is an electric vehicle that is strikingly vivacious and the coupe employs the same technology as LEAF but much sportier to fascinate the fervent ones.


The ESFLOW is an RWD with two electric motors at the rear wheel. The laminated lithium-ion battery gives the vital power required by the motor and ultimately it is the best as it can travel up to 240km per charge. It is asserted that the vehicle can accelerate from a standstill to 60 mph within 5 seconds.

The concept car is said to have its color brainwave from glaciers. Plummeting weight was an important design constraint and it does not have profound metal frames or thick upholsteries in the interior. Fixed on the car’s rear partition the seating system is static yet comfortable and spacious.

The immobility is eventually not a concern as the steering and pedal adjusts mechanically to the apt spot according to the driver’s posture and size. The company is not planning production now but this does not de-motivate sports car lovers as they can expect an inspiring concept car from Nissan shortly.

Muslim Brotherhood Seeks Global Islamic Conquest

Oren Kessler

Pundits have portrayed the Brotherhood as uncompromising zealots or beneficent providers of social services that long-deprived Egyptians desperately need.But a translation released Tuesday of a 1995 book by the movement's fifth official leader sheds light on just how Egypt's Brotherhood views itself and its mission. Jihad is the Way is the last of a five-volume work, "The Laws of Da'wa" by Mustafa Mashhur, who headed the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt from 1996-2002.

They detail the Brotherhood's objectives of advancing the global conquest of Islam and reestablishing the Islamic Caliphate, the public and private duties of jihad and the struggle Muslims must wage against Israel. Elsewhere, it exhorts Muslims, "Know your status, and believe firmly that you are the masters of the world, even if your enemies desire your degradation." The movement differs from international terror groups like Al-Qaida only in tactics, but not goals . "One should know that it is not necessary that Muslims repel every attack or damage caused by the enemies of Allah immediately, but only when ability and the circumstances are fit it."

Jihad is the Way explicitly endorses the reinstatement of a worldwide Islamic regime. "It should be known that jihad and preparation towards jihad are not only for the purpose of fending off assaults and attacks of Allah's enemies from Muslims, but are also for the purpose of realizing the great task of establishing an Islamic state and strengthening the religion and spreading it around the world."

Mashhur wrote, "The problems of the Islamic world - such as in Palestine, Afghanistan, Syria, Eritrea or the Philippines - are not issues of territories and nations, but of faith and religion. They are the problems of Islam and all Muslims, and their resolution cannot be negotiated and bargained by recognizing the enemy's right to the Islamic land he stole, and therefore there is no other option but jihad for Allah, and this is why jihad is the way."

US have Freed Islamist Terrorist - Pollard still in Jail!

An American jihadist, Mohammed Junaid Babar, who set up the terrorist training camp where the leader of the 2005 London suicide bombers learned how to manufacture explosives, has been quietly released after serving only four and a half years of a possible 70-year sentence. (This is another amazing exhibit of the US hypocrisy, if not governmentally sponsored anti-Semitism!)

 
Posted by GS Don Morris, Ph.D.

Feds roll up SoCal Armenian Power gang

Armenian Power, commonly known as AP, has grown from a street gang formed in the 1980s to an ambitious and well-connected criminal organization that teamed up with African-American gangs and the notorious Mexican mafia, the U.S. attorney’s office said in a written statement.

Federal prosecutors said they rounded up 74 of 99 suspects Wednesday in a major blow to an Armenian gang based in the Los Angeles area.

A pair of federal racketeering indictments, as well as various California cases, named the alleged members and associates of Armenian Power, a reputed mafia centered in Glendale, who are accused of taking part in rackets ranging from bank and healthcare fraud and identity theft to drug trafficking and kidnapping.

Armenian Power, commonly known as AP, has grown from a street gang formed in the 1980s to an ambitious and well-connected criminal organization that teamed up with African-American gangs and the notorious Mexican mafia, the U.S. attorney’s office said in a written statement.

“These groups engaged in various fraud schemes that clearly have had a significant impact on financial institutions and their customers who have lost millions of dollars and lost their sense of security through identity theft and credit card fraud,” U.S. Attorney Andre Birotte said.

One of AP’s alleged scams involved the placement of hidden credit card skimmers at 99 Cents Only Stores across Southern California. The skimmers captured debit and credit card data from hundreds of unsuspecting customers, which was used to create counterfeit cards.

Photo of duct taped toddler surfaces; mother charged

February 17th, 2011 by Jessica | Permalink

Caira Ferguson, mother accused of duct taping toddler to chair. Photo via NBC News screenshot.

Caira Ferguson, 21, of Nether Providence Township, Pennsylvania is being charged with child neglect. Caira is accused of allegedly duct taping her 2 year old toddler daughter to a chair. The photo which was on Caira’s cell phone, shows her toddler bound and gagged along with Caira standing beside her – posing for the picture. Police found further evidence when they obtained a search warrant and found duct tape still attached to the chair where Caira lives. 

 

Oddly enough, police were first alerted to the picture when Caira herself went into the police station to report that her identity had been stolen. According to CNN, police believe that she concocted the story in order pin the blame on someone else and possibly cover up other crimes under the guise of stolen identity.
Caira’s father, Ira Ferguson is denying the charges saying that his daughter would never do something like this and claims that she hasn’t confessed although police have claimed otherwise. The Grandmother who was reportedly home at the time of the incident have subsequently placed other children in her care in state custody.

This is the second incidence of this kind of abuse. Last fall, a couple was charged with doing the same thing to their toddler son leaving people to speculate whether or not this was a copy-cat crime.

‘America’s toughest sheriff’ considering Arizona Senate run

Posted by reteaparty 2012 Elections, Headlines 

By Daniel Strauss, The Hill, The Washington Scene

Maricopa Sheriff Joe Arpaio said Monday he is open to the possibility of running for the seat of retiring Sen. Jon Kyl (R-Ariz.) in 2012.

Arpaio, the conservative sheriff famous for his hard-line anti-immigration stances, made the remarks in light of a poll released Monday by Summit Consulting Group Inc., which is fundraising for Arpaio’s reelection campaign for sheriff. The company’s Chad Willems is Arpaio’s campaign manager.

Arpaio said the deciding factor is neither the money, which he said he could raise, nor his ability to do the job. Rather, he said, it’s whether he would be willing to leave his job as sheriff.

Arpaio has served as sheriff for five terms and is currently running for a sixth. But, he said, that doesn’t mean he won’t run for the Senate.

To read more, visit: http://washingtonscene.thehill.com/in-the-know/36-news/8231-americas-toughest-sheriff-considering-arizona-senate-run

Russell DeFreitas sentenced to life

An artist’s sketch of Russell DeFreitas from Brooklyn Federal Courthouse. He was sentenced to life in prison yesterday. 

NEW YORK—Russell DeFreitas, the convicted mastermind behind a plot to blow up aviation fuel tanks and a pipeline at John F. Kennedy International Airport was yesterday sentenced to life in prison.

Federal prosecutors in Brooklyn had alleged that the 67-year-old Guyana-born former airport cargo worker, hoped to “cause major economic loss in the United States” and sought financing for the plot from a Trinidad militant group. He was arrested in June 2007 after a former drug dealer-turned-informant infiltrated the scheme and recorded conversations detailing the plan.

DeFreitas, a naturalized U.S. citizen, and Abdul Kadir, a former member of Guyana’s Parliament, were convicted on multiple conspiracy charges last August following a nine-week trial. Kadir was sentenced to life in prison in December.

Abdel Nur, another Guyanese citizen, pleaded guilty shortly before trial to providing support for the plot. Nur, who is being treated for lung cancer, was sentenced to 15 years in prison in January.

A fourth man, Trinidadian Kareem Ibrahim, is expected to go to trial on related charges at a later date.
During yesterday’s proceedings, DeFreitas said nothing in court and showed no reaction when the penalty was imposed by Brooklyn Federal Judge Dora Irizarry.

“The defendant was a mastermind …this was his baby, this was his idea,” Irizarry said.
DeFreitas and his co-conspirators called the plot “Shining Light” because they hoped the ensuing fireball and conflagrations would be viewed like a beacon throughout the metro area.

Authorities said Defreitas told his confidantes that security was lax at the airport and that he knew all the back roads and weak spots.

The plotters are said to have sought financial and logistical support from terror leaders in the Caribbean and Iran.


DeFreitas, the court was told, appeared to be motivated by his hatred of American foreign policy and his own perceived mistreatment as an employee at the airport.

He also noted the airport attack would have devastating economic consequences for the U.S, inflict massive casualties – and batter the American psyche, which he thought harboured deep affection for former President Kennedy and the Kennedy name.

“It will take out the whole entire area,” Defreitas told the informant. “The whole of Kennedy will go up in smoke …A few people might escape, but escape to where? The Jamaica Bay?”

“Russell Defreitas plotted to commit a terrorist attack that he hoped would rival 9/11,” said Loretta Lynch, the U.S. Attorney in Brooklyn. “But law enforcement detected and thwarted the plot, saving lives.”
Prosecutors alleged that DeFreitas approached a confidential, government informant, a convicted drug dealer, to join the plot in 2006.

He allegedly told the informant and others that he had been planning an attack at the airport since he worked there in the 1990s, “before terrorism started in this country,” prosecutors said.

Mr. Defreitas allegedly traveled to Guyana and Trinidad in 2006 and in 2007, seeking financing, technical expertise and personnel for the attack.

However, his lawyers argued that he never took “concrete” steps to carry out the plot.

Prior to his arrest, Mr. DeFreitas had been living on-and-off for five months in an apartment in Brooklyn provided to him by the informant and may have been receiving food stamps.