Recently sworn-in Governor of Alabama Robert Bentley wants to know: who’s your daddy? Just a day after his January 17 inauguration, Bentley, a former dermatologist and current Deacon and Sunday School Teacher, made several remarks at Montgomery’s Dexter Avenue King Memorial Baptist church that served to illuminate his somewhat tenuous grasp on the nature of human genealogy.
Bentley began by explaining: “Now I will have to say that, if we don’t have the same daddy, we’re not brothers and sisters.” At first glance this may seem tenable, but on further reflection it hides a disturbing patrilineal bias. If we had the same father I could be your bro, but the fact that we have the same mother means nothing? Still, that’s not as bad as what followed: “So anybody here today who has not accepted Jesus Christ as their savior, I’m telling you, you’re not my brother and you’re not my sister, and I want to be your brother.”
Ok, Bentley, I know it’s the south and all, so sometimes family trees can get a little… tangled. But c’mon, you’re operating under some serious misconceptions here. First of all, you don’t get parents by accepting some one as your savior. I never accepted my father as qualified to help me with my homework, let alone save me! And its sweet that you want to be closer to me, but I guarantee you after the second or third phone call asking you to wire money because I spent it all on booze and don’t want to admit it to the parents, you’d get pretty sick of being my older brother.
I, on the other hand, would at least enjoy the satisfaction of younger siblings everywhere: I would get to call you an asshole to your face!
January 19, 2011
Keir Willett
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