WASHINGTON — As the ex-wife of the notorious D.C. sniper emptied herself during a 30-day fast five years ago, one question tormented her — why did he want to kill her?
Mildred Muhammad wrote about that isolation and torment for years in her journals. She began when her ex-husband, John Allen Muhammad, took their three young children from her nearly a decade ago. She continued when he was convicted of the 2002 sniper attacks in the Washington area, and still jots down her emotions as her ex-husband awaits his scheduled Nov. 10 execution.
"The paper don't talk back," the 49-year-old told The Associated Press in a recent interview. "It just lets you write down your thoughts and you're able to express anger, shame and guilt."
They were all emotions that Muhammad, who is Muslim, had to purge during that 30-day fast in July 2004, just as her ex-husband's second trial was beginning. She had to understand everything she poured into the journals so she could finally move on.
Those journals became the genesis for her new memoir, "Scared Silent: When the One You Love ... Becomes the One You Fear," due out Oct. 13 from Simon & Schuster imprint Strebor Books International, based in Largo, Md.
In her narrative, Muhammad documents her ex-husband's dismissive retorts: "I don't mind because you don't matter," she writes. At one point, he told her: "You have become my enemy and as my enemy, I will kill you."
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