Is Tiger Woods a Idiot?

What you’re looking at is the October 2010 mug shot of Alyse Lahti Johnson after she was pulled over for DUI. Turns out she’s Tiger Woods‘ new girlfriend proving God really does have a sense of humor after all. (Those nuclear reactors in Japan? Two days away from launching a fuel rod into a scientist’s groin. Now that’s comedy!) So not only has Tiger significantly downgraded from Elin Nordegren who he epically cheated on, but he’s dating a Faces of Meth candidate who’s already blabbing to friends how’s she using him. RadarOnline reports:

“She sent a BBM to a mutual friend of ours saying she didn’t consider herself Tiger’s girlfriend. They were just having a good time hooking up,” the source tells us.
“That’s in keeping with Alyse’s personality, the source says. “She is a really nice girl, smart and super friendly. And she’s also a bit of a wild child. She definitely likes to have fun.”

Shorter version: She does anal.

Alright, look, I understand Tiger probably doesn’t want anything serious either, but you’d think with his money he’d be able to buy any woman he wants, starting with one who doesn’t look like she steals pills from the elderly during her shift at an Arkansas nursing home. If I were him, I’d be chasing my ex-wife’s twin sister with a sack full of diamonds and yacht keys, but that’s just me and my fear of change coupled with a deep appreciation for Swedish models. Did I mention she’s also white? Just tossing that out there.